Dr Shiam Chuttoo

Listen, keep, and then decide: my EARS Model

In my notebook there is a page headed Four Puppets, and it has stayed with me. Each puppet has two ear lobes, and each one does something different with what it hears.

The first puppet lets words go in one ear and out of the other. Nothing stays. In Hindi we say ek kaan se suno, doosre se nikaal do: listen with one ear, let it out of the other. The second puppet takes what goes into the ear and sends it straight out of the mouth. This is the gossip, who repeats everything before checking anything. The third puppet takes it in and never lets it out. Some of that is wisdom. Some of it sits inside and goes sour.

The fourth puppet can do all three. Some words pass through, some are spoken, some are kept. This is the one who listens and then decides.

What the ward taught me

I came to the UK in 1988 and trained as a nurse at Goodmayes Hospital. Later I qualified as a social worker. In both jobs I listened to people all day: patients, families, colleagues and managers. A ward is full of words. Some are a cry for help, some are rumour, and some are private and must be locked away.

Confidentiality taught me when to be the third puppet. Good practice taught me to be the fourth puppet every single day: hear everything, weigh it, and then choose what to do with it.

If the shoe fits

A post went round social media recently: “People who did me wrong always think my posts are about them. If the shoe fits, wear it, Cinderella.” It made me laugh, and then it made me think.

When someone decides a post is about them, the second puppet is working inside their head. They hear and react before they reflect. Another post I saved puts it well: the ego needs to be right, the soul wants to understand. The fourth puppet reads the same words and asks one quiet question. Is there something here for me? If yes, keep it. If no, let it pass.

My EARS Model

E	Empty what is not yours. Let noise and gossip pass through, like the first puppet. Not every word needs a home in you.
A	Ask before you pass it on. Is it true, and does it help anyone? If the answer is no, the mouth stays closed.
R	Respect what must stay inside. A confidence, a friend’s private pain, a patient’s story. Keep it safe, like the third puppet.
S	Select, then decide. Weigh what you heard and choose your action. This is the fourth puppet, and it is a skill you can practise.

Two ears and one mouth is a good ratio. The fourth puppet uses both ears, and the mouth only when it has decided.

Pass it on, and let us learn together. If this post spoke to you, please share it with someone who needs it, and join my discussion group, where we talk these ideas through together. Tell me what you would like me to research next, perhaps something on listening, gossip or keeping a confidence: suggest a topic here. My other models are on my My Models page.

How I prepare my work. I prepare my work using every tool available to me: Google, Microsoft Word, and AI tools such as Claude and ChatGPT. The experience behind each piece is my own. I write as a former CEB lineman, a nurse, a social worker, a lecturer and a life coach, and as a man who lives between English, French and Hindi.

A word of caution. This blog is for education only. It is not medical, psychological or legal advice. Make sure you understand any technique before you use it, and remember you are responsible for your own actions. If you are struggling, please contact your GP or a health professional. © Dr Shiam Chuttoo 2026. The EARS Model (E Empty what is not yours, A Ask before you pass it on, R Respect what must stay inside, S Select, then decide) is his original work. Credit line: Source: Dr Shiam Chuttoo, The EARS Model, 2026. Use only with his permission or with clear credit to him. Work record: Ref DSC-BLOG-041126-01. Title: The Fourth Puppet. Author: Dr Shiam Chuttoo. Created 4.11.26. All rights reserved.