How we speak, listen, judge and remember one another, with my MEHERBAN Model.
Words leave us quickly and stay with others for years. (From my notebook.)
In Hindi and Urdu, meherban means kind, generous of heart. When someone helps us we say aap ki meherbani, it is your kindness. Every good conversation I have known, on the ward, in the classroom and at home, began with a little meherbani.
Where I learned it: my accent
I grew up in Mauritius among French, Hindi and English, and English was never my mother tongue. When I arrived in England in 1988 to train as a nurse, I knew English from books. People heard my accent and sometimes misheard my meaning, and I misheard theirs. Small misunderstandings, repeated often, can make a person feel slow or unwelcome, even when they are neither.
So I went into the midst of people. I sat in canteens and day rooms, on trains and in waiting areas, and I watched and listened: how people greeted one another, where they paused, what their faces did while they spoke. Slowly my ear tuned in. That taught me that communication is kindness made practical. Boli alag, dil ek. Different tongues, one heart.
My MEHERBAN Model
Over several weeks I gathered stories and sayings that stopped me while scrolling, digested them, and asked what they share. The answer became eight steps.
| Step | In one line | Try this today |
|---|---|---|
| Mind your words | Before you speak, THINK: is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind? | Pause three breaths before one reply. |
| Empathy before judgement | The slow old man in the bakery queue was choosing what his late wife used to order. | Imagine three things you cannot see in someone who irritates you. |
| Honesty and humility | Never borrow a lion’s roar that is not yours. | Say sorry plainly, with no “but”. |
| Examine your own roof | When the neighbour’s house burns, the wise check their own roof. | Ask: is this a fact, or my reading of it? |
| Restraint and silence | You do not owe every critic a defence. | Wait a full day before defending yourself. |
| Build trust and bridges | Conflict handled well makes bonds stronger. | Book a fifteen-minute check-in with someone close. |
| Appreciate while alive | One shoulder today is worth four at a funeral. | Thank someone tonight for what they did years ago. |
| Nurture tomorrow | Sweep the road for someone you will never meet. | Do one small job that helps a stranger. |
The Five Cs, joined to MEHERBAN
Every communication course I taught had its list of Cs. I joined five of them to my steps:
| C | Weak | Better |
|---|---|---|
| Clear (M) | “Take your tablets properly.” | “One tablet with breakfast, one with your evening meal.” |
| Concise (R) | A long apology full of excuses. | “I am sorry I was late. It will not happen again.” |
| Correct (H, E) | “Your appointment is Tuesday.” | “I have checked: Tuesday the 22nd at 2pm.” |
| Complete (B) | “The meeting has moved.” | “Moved to Thursday, 10am, Room 4.” |
| Courteous (E, A) | “You are wrong.” | “I see it differently. May I explain?” |
For anyone whose accent is new to the listener, two more help: ask again kindly (“Could you say that once more?”), and check (“Did that make sense?”). Pretending to understand does more harm than asking. And never judge intelligence by accent: many people with a strong accent speak three or four languages.
The messages of my 2009 book, Achieving Academical Excellence, run through this model: inspire, set an example, encourage, empower, and never borrow another’s words without credit.
Bolne se pehle tolo. Weigh your words before you speak them.
La parole est d’argent, le silence est d’or. Speech is silver, silence is golden.
Which letter of MEHERBAN do you find hardest? Tell me in the comments.
Ideas drawn from and credited to: the THINK poster (author unknown); a trust page by Printable with Lisa; stories posted by StoryBloom (the bakery queue, the street sweeper); sayings shared online; the Cs of communication found in many business texts. All retold in my own words.
Share it, join us, and shape what comes next
If this made you think, please pass it on. Join my readers’ discussion group, or suggest a topic for me to research next, through my contact page. All my models are on my My Models page, and you can get each new piece by email below.
How I prepare my work. I write as a life coach, lecturer, nurse and social worker, and as a Mauritian in Britain since 1988 who carries Kreol, French, English, Bhojpuri and Hindi. I use every tool available, including books, Google, Microsoft Word and AI such as Claude and ChatGPT. The ideas, models and final word are mine, and every source is credited.
A word of caution. For education and reflection only; not medical, psychological or legal advice. Understand any technique before using it; you are responsible for your own choices. If something here stirs difficult feelings, speak to your GP or a health professional. © Dr Shiam Chuttoo 2026. The MEHERBAN Model, its eight steps and the Five Cs as joined here are his original work; free to share with credit, other uses by permission. Work record: Ref DSC-2026-MEHERBAN-01. Title: Speak Kindly, Speak Clearly. Author: Dr Shiam Chuttoo. Created 19 October 2026, shortened 20 October 2026. All rights reserved.
Leave a Reply